How To Solve Persistent And Frustrating Problems

How To Solve Persistent And Frustrating Problems

"To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly," said Henri Bergson.

Life is a creative act.

It is a series of events, one after another, and sometimes one over another.

Through this procession of things happening to us, we experience change-and hopefully, growth.

Maturity, however, is not assured. We may have to repeat the same thing over and over again. Yet we still don't get it right.

When a chain of events that cause discomfort repeat in a circular pattern, we call them problems.

They can be infuriating...and extremely frustrating. The longer they continue, the less we know what to do about them.

For example--no matter how hard you work, you always end up with more month than money.

Or, no matter how hard you try to be patient, kind, and understanding, you always end up in a relationship with someone who is extremely difficult.

And so on. I think you get the point.

These are circular issues. You may change the job or the person-and yet, somehow, you end up in almost the same situation.

What is the solution?

It's creativity.

It's not about doing more or trying harder, nor is it even about soliciting an expert opinion-it's about changing your mind, your circumstances, and your life by finding a new answer that specifically works for you.

Since, ultimately, you're the final authority on your life-the best advice from an expert will be simply to point you to your own creativity. General advice may give you some direction, but you have to tailor it to your particular psyche for it to work.

Here, then, are three quick steps to becoming creative.

It does take some work, but not as much as staying stuck.

First, define the problem as clearly as you can. The length of words or quality of language you use doesn't matter. Make it so plain and so obvious that anybody reading it would understand right away what is bothering you.

Second, step outside the problem and pretend to be someone else, an expert observer. Choose a known expert, either someone you personally know or a historical or famous personality. It has to be someone whom you highly respect. Now pretend to be them, to be inside their body and their mind as they review your problem and think about it.

Third, as this world-famous expert, make a list of all possible answers, from the sublime to the ridiculous. Brainstorm until you can't come up with any more answers. Then take a long break and brainstorm some more.

Finally, turn it over to your unconscious. Your answer will come in an unexpected way. It may be something that you brainstormed-or it may be something else entirely.

You'll know exactly what to do and how to do it.

It Takes As Much Energy To Fail As To Succeed

As humans we have only a limited amount of mental, emotional and physical energy before we need to recharge.

It seems logical, then, to conclude that energy is an essential element in both failure and success.

They both use energy.

And it takes as much energy to fail as to succeed.

Many people don't quite fathom this simple concept.

After all, it seems that failing is like rolling down a hill while succeeding is like climbing up one.

Failure appears easier because it's root appears to be inertia, which is expressed as apathy, grief, fear, lust, anger, and pride.

Yet when you really think about it, all these states are extremely debilitating and result in extreme drops in energy.

In addition, these states stimulate very difficult circumstances, and love and support, finances, and health are further drains in energy.

It takes a lot of energy to fail.

Like an old gas-guzzling car, you get very poor mileage, and performance drops with each mile. Energy is consumed rapidly and inefficiently.

Conversely, success is a rise to states of courage, acceptance, and peace.

Since success is never in isolation, it always serves the public good as well. Any act of success is an outflow of contribution. It benefits everyone.

Once you reach a certain level of success, it actually becomes less energy-consuming, and a certain momentum takes over.

In fact, success itself is a highly energy-efficient state, because you feel good, you're surrounded by cooperative people, and your relationships flourish. Your financial well-being and health improves, too.

It takes energy, however, to become successful-because, like a rocket ship pressed down by the earth's gravitational field, you need to exert an excess of force to climb to new heights.

Furthering this analogy, once you're in space, you need to burn less fuel and yet can travel with equal or greater velocity.

Naturally everybody would rather succeed than fail, but success is envisioned as an almost a mythical concept, attained by only a few, and very often restricted only to certain aspects of life and not as a state of being.

How does one succeed in life in general?

The answer is both simple and complex.

It's simple because you become successful by learning how to be successful. You associate with successful people and learn how they do things. You read books on success. You master the elements of financial literacy, relationship building, and health maintenance. Study and practice-that's how you do it.

It's complex because there isn't really a curriculum laid out for you-and you have to learn how to self-educate yourself about success.

It takes energy to learn to be successful, but once you get the hang of it, you can get on a roll and then things just seem to escalate from then on.

Success incorporates failing-but rather than perceiving failure as a limit and a stopping point, a success-oriented person sees it as a learning tool, responding to it as feedback.

Rather than using failure as a way of dropping to a low mood level and becoming ineffectual, it is used to learn what not to do and how to discontinue what does not work. It takes some experimenting to learn what works and what doesn't. Learning what doesn't work is valuable information because it pushes you further to what does work.

The energy it takes to become successful, then, is twofold: the energy it takes to learn new ways of doing things, and the energy it takes to learn to using failure as a stepping stone rather than a sign to just give up.

Since it takes as much energy to succeed as to fail, doesn't it make sense to start pointing yourself in the right direction?

Why People Fail To Achieve Goals

Although most self-help experts claim that setting goals are the golden key to success, many people set goals and nothing happens.

Why does this happen?

Imagine Harold is obese, went to get a physical checkup, got alarming results, and was sternly warned by his doctor to do something about his excess weight or else....

Motivated by fear, Harold decides to set a goal of losing weight.

His first goal is to read a book on weight loss and to then set a plan into motion.

He reads the book and makes a plan, then months later finds that he did not even follow his plan.

Here is what has probably happened.

He did not write down his goal, and he did not read it daily. In effect, he lost track of what goal he had in mind. He drifted away from his goal and looking back, he sees that he did not do any work toward it.

Looking back over the wasted 6 months when he could have accomplished his goal, he saw that he did not act because-

He felt tired after work, and he did not have the energy to follow his goal of eating right and doing exercise.

He got distracted, and he had to help his mother recover from her hospital visit, his wife deal with the kids and his friend Ed find a new car. Besides, there were ball games, TV shows, and trips to the Zoo with the family.

He justified himself when challenged by his wife on not following his goal with the word "but" in his in "I was going to it today BUT I didn't because..."

He got into agreeing while disagreeing by saying, "yes, but" in his in "Yes, that is a great idea, and I'm going to do it, BUT..."

He became eloquent in arguing for his limitations. "I'm just one of those people who don't have strong feelings about things." "If only I had been raised by more assertive parents, I might have been able to deal with the pressures at work better."

He started to offer reasons why rather than produce results. "Well you see the reason I can't do it right now is because..."

He made self-defeating choices, moment by moment, day by day, week by week, and month by month.

He basically felt uncomfortable changing his habits. He felt twinges of fear, guilt, and unworthiness. He felt hurt, angry, overwhelmed and confused. And he just "did not feel good" when he tried to work on changing his habits to align with his goals.

After six months, he remained as obese and as unhealthy as before despite his doctor's warning about his alarming physical checkup results.

It's easy to set a goal, and it's easy to make plan, and when you don't know how to execute your plan, it's possible to educate yourself...but the real work is in doing it, diligently, day-by-day, in a highly focused way. The truth is that anyone can achieve any goal if they can get out of their own way and (as the Nike people suggest) "Just Do It."

Use the Pleasure Response For Success

Although Dr. Herbert Benson wrote a fascinating book called the Relaxation Response in which he outlined 6 steps to relax deeply, you have probably never heard of the Pleasure Response.

You probably have not heard about it because I haven't told anyone about it yet-unless of course, someone else has been thinking the same thing and has already told you about it.

Before I get into it, I have a question for you:

Have you ever noticed that when you should do something but you don't really want to do it, you either force yourself to do it--if you're experiencing sufficient external or internal pressure-- or--if you can get away with it--you don't do it at all?

Sooner or later, and more often sooner, you avoid the activity altogether.

There are numerous things that we should do that would benefit us if we did them, but we just don't want to do them.

Examples abound: balancing your check book, exercising, eating right, performing better at your job, and so on.

The reason you don't want to do these things is because you link up pain to doing them.

It is as easy to make the Pleasure Response work for you. All you have to do is link up pleasure to taking action. Of course, before you do this, please make sure that you should make this switch. Sometimes, the pain is a warning. For example, if you hate your job, you are being warned to do something that is closer to your own nature and to desist from being untrue to yourself.

With that said, assuming that a switch will do you a world of good, how do you turn an "I should do it but I don't want to do it" into an "I want to do it and I want to do it now"?

You change the associations in your mind.

As an example, suppose that you hate to exercise. You know that your health and energy would benefit from it but you don't want to do it.

The reason you don't want to do it is because you associate pain to the action. You think of the discomfort of getting sweaty, panting, feeling physical discomfort, looking foolish, putting up with ridicule, and so on.

Yet you may have noticed that there are other people who love to exercise. In fact, they even pay to go to certain places where other people are exercising.

What is happening inside them?

They are operating on the Pleasure Response.

In their minds, they envision their improved cardiovascular fitness, muscularity, weight loss, healthy physiology and the sheer joy of energetic movement. They imagine compliments and stares of admiration. The whole exercise phenomena is a thrill to them.

Using your mental software program called your imagination, you can hold similar thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Run this program long enough and intensely enough and you'll be reaching for that tennis racquet or gym membership in no time.

The Pleasure Response. Tap into it and you can live a much happier, productive, wealthier, and healthier life.

Here, then, is a brief checklist to make the Pleasure Response work for you.

1. Identify what you ought to do but don't want to do.
2. Decide whether this is something that you should actually consider not doing at all.
3. If you decide it would be highly beneficial to do it, then make a list of all the painful mental associations you have with this activity.
4. Now write just the opposite response.
5. Run an imaginary scene in your mind where you are doing it and deriving a lot of pleasure.
6. You can amp up this scene with intensity and repetition.
7. You have now connected with the Pleasure Response.

7 Signs Your Teenager is at Risk for Violent Behavior

In the last week alone, four shootings/murders made headlines. They shared something shocking in common ? the alleged offender was a teenager.

1. A teenager was arrested and charged with attempted murder in the shooting of five people at a club.
2. Sentencing for a 16-year-old boy who admitted stabbing his mother 111 times was postponed.
3. The first of four teenagers to be tried in the killing of a Chinese restaurant deliveryman was found guilty of first-degree murder.
4. A teen in a middle school shoots two classmates, but is stopped by hero teacher.

Dr. Kathryn Seifert a youth and family violence and trauma expert who has over 30 years of experience believes that a recent study sheds light on the issue of teen violence. While some behavioral (aggressive) disorders have a biological base, they may also have roots in childhood maltreatment and in exposure to violence. The overlap between behavioral disorders and histories of childhood trauma is greater than has been previously recognized,? said Seifert. While not all traumatized children become aggressive, there are warning signs that can help parents determine if their child needs to get professional help.

Using recent studies, other scientific data, and 30 years of experience, Dr. Seifert has created 7 questions to determine if your teenager may be at risk of committing violent or aggressive behavior. The more questions to which you answer yes, the more likely it is that your child needs professional help. If the answer to 6 or 7 questions is ?yes?, then data shows that your teenager may be at risk of aggressive or violent behavior and needs immediate professional attention.

1. Has your child or teen witnessed or been a victim of violence?
2. Has the child in your care been abused, neglected or abandoned by a family member?
3. Has your child been cruel to animals?
4. Has your child had moderate to severe behavior problems (such as stealing, punching holes in walls, or staying out all night without permission) that began before the age of 13?
5. When your child hurts or injures someone does he feel sorry he/she got caught, rather than sorry for the harm caused to his/her victim.
6. In the past, has your child assaulted another person that was not in self-defense? (This is particularly important if it was a younger, weaker child or a parent, policeman, or teacher.)
7. Has you child had severe learning and/or behavior problems in school for more than a year?

Dr. Seifert warns that although these questions can be easily answered, their answers should not be taken lightly. Adults and caregivers need to take immediate action to seek help for families and teens that have experienced traumatic experiences. Without professional help, such as counseling from organizations like Dr. Seifert?s firm, Eastern Shore Psychological Services, many teens may never get the help they need. And without help, a troubled teenager could become the next headline. With the proper interventions, youth violence is preventable.

How to Identify and Easily Interact With the Supportive Personality

Regardless of your personality type, values and behaviors, the journey to achieving a balanced, happy life will be much easier, and much more successful and harmonious if you learn to understand and communicate effectively with the people you meet on your journey. We're talking about finding common ground among the four major personality types: Supportive, Direct, I (ego centered) and Controlling, focusing this time on the Supportive, or S, personality type.

How Supportive People See Themselves: S personalities are the caregivers of the world, the nurturers and peacemakers. Just as men make up a preponderance of the D (Direct) personalities, the great majority of S personalities are women. Their world begins and ends with people and relationships.

How Others See Supportive People: D personalities are the opposite of S personalities and do not understand the S's focus on people and relationships. D's do not grasp that the S personality focuses on people and relationships while the D's place emphasis on things and ideas. S's are the ultimate team players, while D's see a team as another organization for them to lead.

I (ego centered) personalities have a lot in common with the S's because they are the two personality types that are supportive. However, the I's are preoccupied with themselves, their needs, wants and desires while S's are concerned with the needs, wants and desires of others. There is often a symbiotic relationship between the I's and the S's.

The C (Controlling) personality loves the thoughtful, careful, quiet nature of the S's, presence. After all, they are the two personality types on the same side of the indirect line. The tension between these two groups comes from the fact that the C's are solitary as people and controlling in their behaviors. The C's are very slow and careful in forming relationships, while S's, who are always ready to form a relationship at a moment's notice, are too emotional and not analytical enough for the C's.

Career options for Supportive Personalities
The S's are the teachers of the world, particularly of young children. Nursing is another profession dominated by S personalities. The entire healthcare industry is, in fact, dominated by S personalities. Staff who work in medical fields that involve close doctor-patient relationships, such as ob-gyn, family practice and childcare, tend to be filled with S types. The social workers of the world are almost always S personalities as are people who enjoy working with animals. They often choose careers based on causes; save the earth, the environment, the children, the planet, the redwood trees. People who are very passionate about causes are usually S personalities.

Speech of Supportive Personalities
S personalities speak slowly and softly. Their words are kind and thoughtful. They ask permission to ask direct questions, but they really prefer indirect questions. They will often stop and ask if what they are saying is "alright or okay with you." They are never confrontational. They make requests rather than give orders, even when the situation might call for a direct order. They are profoundly concerned that their words and tone should never be interpreted as harsh or offensive. Their language is supportive and nonjudgmental.

Clothes, Cars and Houses
S personalities are careful and thoughtful and conservative dressers. The statement their clothes make is that the wearer is a warm, comfortable person, one who can be trusted and someone who is supportive. Male S personalities dress like Mr. Rodgers of TV fame and women dress like your second grade teacher: "cuddly" and comfortable.

S's drive family cars because they are family-focused. They drive minivans, and while their children are young they drive multi-passenger vehicles for car pooling, loading up for church picnics and collecting food for the homeless shelter. They are unlikely to choose an SUV because it is not environmentally friendly. Their vehicles are conservative in style and color and they never drive over the speed limit.

S personalities do not have houses; they have homes! Houses are full of things but homes provide the foundation for relationships. Walk into the home of an S person and the walls will be covered with family photos, and pictures of weddings, anniversaries, and the kids growing up. S's live in friendly neighborhoods and are active in their local communities.

Values: Family, Money, Relationships
Absolutely nothing is more important to an S personality than family and other close personal relationships. This is the very definition of the supportive personality. They exist to make the world a better place by getting and keeping people together. Money is not important to S's. If they win the lottery, after making sure their family is secure, they will give the rest away.

Ss are very considerate about time because it is a way of honoring others. They like to be on time, but often will have trouble breaking away from one group of people to be on time with another. They never want to appear rude or uninterested in the first group by leaving, even to meet someone else. Given a conflict between time with people and time on a chore or idea, people will always get the attention and commitment of the S personality.

Discover Fire Again

Today is going to cost you one day of your life. It is an opportunity to invent yourself. Consider this day as special. You can waste it by doing the same old things in the same old ways. Or you can use it to turn your life around for the better. Tomorrow is a whole other adventure. Focus on today, because it will soon be gone forever. Try to leave something behind today, something good.

Notice the earth today. Walk on it barefoot. Notice the wind as it plays with your hair. Notice the people and the animals. Feel the sun on your bare skin.

Help someone who may ask you. Stand up for the fool. Give yourself away, and make your day a poem of love and generosity.

If you happen to be alive today, recognize one thing. Your mission is not complete.

This is an important day. Actually, there is no such thing as an unimportant one.

You do not have to travel to wonder at the height of a mountain, you do not have to stand before the ocean and admire the huge waves, you do not have to marvel at the course of a long river, and you do not have to look up at the marvels of humankind or nature to get the most out of this day, you have only to look at yourself in the mirror and recognize that you are the true beauty and miracle of life.

Will you be a brilliant blaze, rather than a mere spark? Will you go through this day like a superb meteor, every atom of your being in a magnificent glow? Will you be alive, or merely exist? Will you waste this day or use your time?

Live purely. Spend a moment of quiet and contemplate the beauty around you. Do your work with mastery. Come out from behind the clouds and shine upon the world.

Do not let this day express an unlived life. Do not be afraid of falling, but choose to inhabit this precious day with courage. Allow the living of it to open you, to make you less afraid, to make you more accessible, to loosen the hard feelings. Think of yourself as a wing, a torch, a promise. Risk your significance, live, blossom, go forth and win.

Let the world rejoice at your presence. Find those who have failed to flourish and whisper in their ear, "grow, grow."

Perhaps on this day, for the second time in the history of the world, you shall discover fire.

As Mahatma Ghandi once said, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

De-Bug Your Life and Find Fulfillment

"Peace, like charity, begins at home."

--Franklin Delano Roosevelt,
Speech, Aug. 14, 1936

If life's little events seem to build up and swirl around your head like the pesky little insects that flit about on hot summer days, then it's time to learn some simple steps to de-bug your mind and achieve a more balanced, joyful life.

Just as you consciously or unconsciously open the door of your heart and mind to negativity, you can consciously restore your heart and mind to embrace happiness and find peace. We simply need to find a way to climb out of the rut we've placed ourselves in and draw out our innate talents instead.

We refer to those irritating little life events as "GNATS: Going Nuts About Stuff." Everyone gets a case of "gnats" once in a while. Some people have daily attacks, and those can paralyze you and block you from happiness just as easily and effectively as fear. If you want to attain fulfillment in your life, you have to undertake a journey of self-discovery that will let you discover how to master these life-draining "gnats."

We fall prey to these spells when we let in negativity. Although we know it makes no sense, we do it anyway - it's just the way our untrained energy behaves. Once the negativity arrives, and if it is left unchecked, it stays there and feeds on itself and grows, just like any other living organism.

The solution to achieving life-long happiness is learning how to excise the GNATS so they don't exert any power over you. Just as a malignancy is cut away from healthy tissue, we can cut the negativity away from our healthy energy. Our emotional self has an advantage over our physical being, because our emotional being is capable of regeneration.

A De-Bugging Exercise

When the GNATS attack, immediately sit quietly, close your eyes and slowly and regularly breathe. Breathe in what you feel is the missing part of your heart and mind, breathe out what you do not want. For instance, if you are upset, breathe in peace; if you are angry, breathe in joy, and then breathe out the anger or the upset.

This exercise is about energy. It is not about moving air in and out of your lungs, though that alone is helpful. This is about restoring your spirit to its completeness, not about lowering your blood pressure, which will happen automatically as you restore yourself.

This is an undertaking that also fulfills the principle of the 23rd Psalm: "He restoreth my soul." Permit yourself -- and empower yourself -- to renew your spirit that will allow you to celebrate your life.

Congratulations - You have just taken another step on the road to "Power Living!"

WARNING Signs of Suicide:

Suicide is among the scariest words in our language; it inspires an immediate horror among the family and friends of the victim. People frequently experience a gut-wrenching dread, denial, shock, fear ... and even guilt.

It is a word so charged with universal dread, guilt and burning emotion that people will avoid talking about it almost at all costs. It has become an intractable taboo.

We must discuss it, however, because the statistics are staggering: In 2001 suicide was the 11th ranked cause of death in the United States, but shockingly, it was the third leading cause of death for 10-23 year olds.

One group in the United Kingdom which provides confidential emotional support for those suffering from a crisis estimates that more than 100,000 people attempt suicide each year there. And, of these attempts, over 6,500 will eventually succeed.

Even worse, some estimate that as many as 20% of those who suffer from bipolar disorder will succeed in killing themselves. NOTE: One out of every five!

It has also been estimated that as many as 50% of all bipolar patients may attempt suicide at least once in their lives. This appalling figure shows the urgency required to properly screen, diagnose and treat the suicide-prone patient.

Therefore, it is as clear as a flashing neon sign that suicide is not something to be cavalierly ignored; it is not going away. As socially responsible family members and friends, each of us must make a commitment to be aware of the warnings signs of suicide-prone despair.

We must do our duty by being prepared to help a friend or family member in crisis. But to do so, we must be able to identify that cry for help for what it is-desperation and not be quick to cavalierly trivialize it.

Please note the following warning signs and red flags. You may just save the life of a loved one.

Situational Red Flags

1. Victim of Sexual, Emotional or Verbal Abuse
2. Sudden or Unexpected Death of a Loved One
3. A Terminal Illness Accompanied by Drastic Deterioration in Quality of Life
4. Sudden Detrimental Change in Financial Status
5. A Condition of Chronic Debilitating Pain with No Relief in Sight
6. Talk about the Possibility of Suicide
7. Extraordinary Withdrawal or Sullen Behavior
8. Traumatic Loss or Disintegration of a Relationship

Emotional Signs

2.Feelings of Futility
3.Oppressive Feelings of Guilt
4.Pervasive Melancholia or Sadness
5.Feelings of Hopelessness or Helplessness
6.Overwhelming Gloom

Recovering from Depression!

Sometimes as a person begins to recover from a depressive episode the possibility of a suicide attempt may increase. This may happen because when a person finally makes up his mind to actually kill himself, he sometimes becomes oddly resigned and at peace with the situation; his mood can begin to elevate slightly.

Also, the depressive lethargy may start to lift, and where a person may not have been able to find the energy to carry out suicidal plans before, he now may have it. However, regardless of the reason, this can be a very crucial stage.

Behavioral Red Flags

1.Hoarding Prescription Drugs which Can be Lethal when taken En Masse
2.Obtaining Possession of a Weapon
3.Overt Attempts to Bring Closure to Personal or Business Issues
4.Sudden Attention to Ones Will
5.Increased Reading or Conversation about Suicide
6.Gifting Away Personal Belongings
7.Reconciling with those who are Estranged
8.Sudden Interest or Attention in Ones Insurance Policy
9.Excessive Withdrawal or Isolation from Others

Thoughts and Comments to Note

1.I wish I had never been born
2.This life is a pile of crap.
3.I wonder what the best way to kill yourself would be.
4.My kids are the only thing I live for.
5.I can not see any way to get out of this mess.
6.Nothing ever gets any better
7.Nothing is worth living for.
8.I just do not care about anything anymore.

Of course, none of these signs by themselves are absolute proof that someone you know may be considering suicide. Any of these may be present individually, and a person still may have given little or no thought to suicide.

However, if any clusters of these are present take particularly strong note.

It is also possible that a person may give little if any, warning of thoughts of impending suicide and still attempt it.

So, how can you be sure? Ask directly. Share your observations tactfully and honestly. Be open to talking about this with your loved one.

Is it awkward? It certainly can be, but even more important, it could save the life of someone you love.

A Real Psychic Life - The True and Magnificent Power of Giving

You've probably heard of the popular saying "It's better to
give than to receive." But do you actually know what hidden
power lies within this magnanimous act known as "giving?"

When you give something from your heart without expecting
anything in return, you release a powerful force that will
trigger your good deed to "bounce" back to you in amazing,
and sometimes unusual ways.

I firmly believe that whatever you impart to others will
come back to you a hundred fold. You are doing yourself a
big favor by helping someone in need. By doing even the
smallest acts of generosity, you are inviting good vibrations
to come into your life.

You would be earning the respect and love of your recipients.
You know that you will always have a loyal group of friends
who would help, protect, and do anything for you just because
they feel that they have to repay you in any way they can.
Most people would have the urge or drive to reciprocate any
act of kindness you've shown them.

However, this does not mean that you must expect them to repay
you. Give without any expectation of rewards. Don't do it
just because you have an ulterior motive. Give unconditionally.
Give because you are happy doing it. The universe will get
back to you in its own special way.

Speaking of happiness, the act of giving can summon the spirit
of joy to come into your heart. How would you feel when you've
given something to your less fortunate neighbors? Let me tell
you that nothing could brighten up my day more than hearing them
express their most heartfelt gratitude and seeing their smiles
extend from ear to ear.

Giving is also a healthy habit. It could prolong your life by
instilling within you an inner sense of peace and accomplishment.

Just like all things in life, giving has its limitations.
Being too generous can have its toll. Your kindness might be
taken advantage of and people might abuse your good intentions.
Beware of individuals who are continuously seeking your aid.
It's better to teach them how to solve their problems than to
always attend to their needs.

As one saying goes ...

"Give them some fish and you'll feed them for a day. Teach them
how to fish and you'll feed them for a lifetime."

Lastly, here's what I consider the most important rule about
giving. Keep your good deeds to yourself. Don't announce to the
whole world that you've donated $100,000 to your favorite charity
or that you've helped save a child from a life-threatening

If you really desire to give, do it secretly and in private.
Some people would write "anonymous" rather than their own names
when they've made a contribution. The universe smiles upon
these individuals, and they will get their just rewards in due

Now that you know how wonderful it is to give, would you go out
to the world and share your blessings?

Can You Really Let Go Of Your Huge Internal Struggle?

When I was in graduate school for psychology, we had a fellow student by the name of Allan who was running a successful clinical practice and had joined our program to improve his credentials. He had a remarkable track record of successful case histories.

One day, in a casual conversation during a classroom break, Cindy, a student, asked him what the single biggest reason people did not improve after counseling.

What he said made the three of us in this little huddle near the coffee machine pay attention.

"The single reason people do not change their lives for the better is not because they don't know what to do or how to do it to change, "said Allan, speaking slowly, thoughtfully. "Clients reach a point when they have all the information that they need to change in an instant. However, they don't change because they think they're feelings about the situation their dealing with is true."

"What do you mean?" asked Richard, who was listening in. "Aren't we in the business of teaching people how to express feelings? When you face your feelings, you begin the process of healing states of low self-esteem."

"Real life is more complex than what we learn here in school," said Allan. "Yes, repressing feelings and articulating them and raising self-esteem do effect positive change, but sometimes the feelings themselves are the problem."

"I'm not following you," confessed Richard, frowning.

"People often respond to their feelings, not their thoughts about the situation that is upsetting them. They never question these feelings. They assume their feelings are making an accurate statement about reality."

"You mean they mis-feel," I interjected, suddenly grasping his subtle point.

Allan smiled. "Yes, exactly. Just as you can mis-think something, or mis-perceive something, and later on, given more information, realize that you had jumped to the wrong conclusion or had fallen under some kind of optical illusion, like a mirage, for example, you can similarly mis-feel."

"So," said Cindy, "while people are open to correct their cognition about something, they don't even think to question their feelings about something."

"And," reflected Richard, "They are so completely locked into a huge internal struggle that goes on day after day, year after year, that they never doubt that what they feel is how things really are. Thus, their problem, whatever it is, becomes chronic."

Allan nodded. "Feelings are reactions to events. They are not necessarily true statements about events. They are interpretations. These feelings, over time, become hard-wired chemically into the nervous system so that a person can't look beyond them. It doesn't matter what you say to them, they are only listening to their feelings."

"How do they make the shift, then, to a more adaptable way of coping with their problems?" I asked.

"First," said Allan, "they have to become aware of what they're feeling. The feelings are so quick and so spontaneous that they are taken for granted and not even noticed. Someone in anger, for example, is fully aware of what irritates him, but may not even be aware that his feelings of anger are causing him to see something as irritating. He does not notice his anger-although, of course, it is obvious to everyone else. He is focused on the problem and not the sensations that arise within him to make him believe that he is confronting a problem."

"When you are able to watch your feelings, you begin to let go of your huge internal struggle," said Richard, fully in tune with Allan by this time. "You are able to transcend the emotion and see it for what it is-feelings that are controlling how you think."

"And when you grasp how your feelings are selecting your thoughts, you are able to choose new ways of interpreting your troubling experience," concluded Allan.

by srana25

How To Gain Control Of Your Life

"The latter part of a wise man's life," said Jonathan Swift, "is taken up in curing the follies, prejudices, and false opinions he had contracted in the former."

The awareness to see one's own follies, prejudices, and false opinions is in fact essential to overcome one's psychocultural programming.

But before we discuss awareness, we should look at how we went about assimilating programs that didn't benefit our evolution.

Apart from what we have been told about the nature of reality, we also actively programmed ourselves on what things meant.

Unfortunately, most of our programming was done when we were children. At that time, we did not have sufficient knowledge or experience to sift through the absurd to uncover the profound.

While many of the belief-systems we adopted as children were designed to help us survive, they may have had a deleterious effect on us as adults. Since these programs for the most part arise from the unconscious, we may often find ourselves responding childishly to challenging events rather than summoning our adult power to move through the problem.

As a child, for example, I adopted the belief that if something did not work out for me, my best option was to move on to something else.

This program created failure and frustration in my adulthood.

As an adult, I noticed that this program to negate effort made my life very difficult.

But by practicing sufficient awareness to notice the pattern and choosing to learn to persist in every endeavor, I noticed a critical shift in my life experience.

What I noticed was that when I applied my new decision to persist when things were not going my way that even seemingly impossible things would turn in my favor.

A program, then, is a repeated pattern arising from a previous decision. It is usually one made as far back as childhood. It is an early and immature decision that creates disharmony and dysfunction in one's present life.

Cultivating awareness breaks the cycle of living out decisions made in childhood.

Awareness is noticing a recurring life situation that disturbs happiness and success. It is inquiring into the original decision that set the life-denying pattern into motion. Once a person sees the program that has been silently and almost invisibly running their life, they can redecide how to live their life and organize their experiences in a more meaningful way.

The Art of Manifestation

We should strive to attain a desireless state. As long as we have desire, we lack. Lack and want are the same thing. Wanting traps us in a world of limitation. Wanting is the greatest enemy of joy.~Lester Levenson.

Desire is our enemy.

The more we try and satiate desires, the more we want of them.

There is no way to fulfill them all. And, in fact, it's futile. We're trying to be our own real selves through some secondary means.

Desire is either pushing something away from us, as in an aversion, or it is pulling something toward us, as in an attachment. We either desire something away from us or toward us.

Desire is an admission of lack.

It is saying that we want something. And because we want it, we don't have it.

I'm not saying that we should do without anything. We need many things to live full lives, but there is a superior way to get them then through desiring them.

I'm saying that we should move beyond wanting something and instead experience having that thing.

We are souls, and as souls we have everything we need. All we have to do is think of it and it shows up in our experience.

This is commonly called the Law of Attraction.

However, what people understand as getting what they want is creating goals and then trying to pull it to them. Eventually, after picturing and repeating it, it does show up. However, it takes weeks, sometimes months, and by the time it shows up, they're interested in something else anyway.

A better way is to be who and what you are.

Then, from the center of that power, you can draw what you want without desiring it.

Instead of desiring something, accept that you have it now. This acceptance, this "isness" of a thing will draw it into your experience faster than any other means.

Most schools of metaphysics and popular psychology create dozens of steps. This only weakens your magnetic power. They charge thousands of dollars for their complex processes. And it takes tremendous dedication and effort to learn.

Some people are so disempowered that they chase after gurus to help them fulfill their desires.

Just be who and what you are--a soul with a mind and body. Then think of what you want as if it is yours already.

Wanting and hankering after something, creating elaborate strategies, and involving yourself in endless struggles and sacrifice is not a way to get it.

Here is an example. I wanted to go to graduate school to study psychology. I did not have the money. What I did was imagine that I was already enrolled. I didn't lust after it. I merely accepted "mentally" that I was attending school.

A chain of natural circumstances then unfolded where I was able to enroll and graduate from college with my master's degree.

A consciousness of a thing in its "isness" is enough to draw it into your experience. Try it, you'll like it.

People seek miracles to improve their lives. Yet they, themselves, in their divine origin, are the miracle.

Do You Neglect The Power Of Your Mind?

James Allen, who wrote the masterpiece, As a Man Thinketh, talks about the vital power of the mind in creating success. "All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct results of his own thoughts. In a justly ordered universe, where loss of equipoise would mean total destruction, individual responsibility must be absolute. A man's weakness and strength, purity and impurity, are his own, and not another man's; they are brought about by himself, and not by another; and they can only be altered by himself, never another. His condition is also his own, and not another man's. His suffering had his happiness are evolved from within. As he thinks, so is he as he continues to think, so he remains."

We neglect our minds by allowing them to be conditioned, by habits, by environment, by our social systems, and when things go wrong, we blame it on others, or events outside our control, but, in truth, we are the one's responsible...for our minds are perfectly capable of rising to the occasion, of creating original thoughts based on fresh perceptions. Those who use the mind well may produce sublime works of art or science, create great fortunes, discover new worlds. An alert, well-ordered mind is a powerful asset.

Do you neglect the power of your mind?

Do you, for example, ask your mind for terrible things? Thoughts create effects, on your body, in your personal interactions, and in the environment. They are dynamic. Even a passive thought is having some kind of effect on your internal organs or the way your biochemistry works. Do you ask your mind for ill-health, poverty, fear, ignorance, bad habits, incompetence, misfortune? If you are experiencing any such conditions it is because you have specifically directed your mind that way. Or do you, simply, not use your mind to create your reality, but merely respond to your environment, acting reflexively, without original thought or perception, without much awareness, lulled into a mind-numbing routine.

The mind is vital to creation. If it is used well, it can produce thoughts that create a magical reality around you. However, if , for one reason or another, you have become a slave to habits, to autonomic thought processes, to reflexive behavior and unoriginal thinking, then your thoughts will produce poor results in your life, and, you might throw away a fortune.

Why Balancing Your Polarity Can Make Life Better

Driven by cultural imperatives and inner promptings, we drive ourselves into a frenzy of action day after day.

The urgency of what needs to be done and the limited time we have to do it excites us to become excessive in our activity.

Eventually, this force, which is kinetic, runs out, and we become tired, drained, and irritable.

What used to be states of high-productivity now slip into carelessness and error. And like a machine that has been pushed to an extreme, parts start to collapse.

Our health may collapse, or our relationships, or our finances. We experience stress and anxiety.

Yet given our obsession with finishing and completing and our myths about never quitting, we may continue to ruin ourselves.

All this distressing collapse can be easily resolved by simply learning to develop the other polarity.

And what is the other polarity? It is deep relaxation and introspection.

Deep relaxation is not spending more time watching television and introspection is not more time web-surfing.

Deep relaxation is stretching, walking in nature, spending time with loved ones, and doing soulful tasks. It is a goal-less activity. It's purpose is to experience being over doing. It is a time for meditation on the meaning and direction of your life.

Introspection is writing in your journal, watching the moon rise above the clouds, and contemplating the lessons of life that you've been going through. It's finding books and strategies about wholeness.

When you allow a season for letting go, then the season of productivity, when it arrives again will be bountiful.

We are not machines, nor robots, but subjective beings capable of deep experiences, and while catering to external circumstances may help us to survive, listening to our feelings and subtle perceptions may help us to thrive.

Of course, the other end of the polarity is equally as debilitating, where you only spend time inwardly and avoid encountering the world outside yourself. Then you start to thrive internally, but your survival is always uncomfortable. You start to attract a crisis to shift you out of your depression.

The first step to living a balanced life is acknowledging its value. Your security and power comes from being balanced.

And the second step is to find on what end of the polarity you're on and how you can gently swing to incorporate more of the other end as well. When action and inaction are balanced every part of your life will begin to work with ease

The Importance Of Healing The Past

Everyday I meet people who have a chronic upset that runs their lives, and I notice that they are not even aware of it. Often the pain has become buried in their unconscious; or if they are aware of it, they choose to deny any power to combat it.

Yet unless they seek healing, this energy locked up in their mind is a continual drain on their vitality. It is a parasite to their life-force.

The first step to true self-help is willing to be candid, notice what hurts, and find the therapy that is necessary to remove the psychic burden.

Those who do this will find that their whole life will open up. All the things that seemed impossible before suddenly become possible. They realize that they need not be amongst the walking wounded because help is near at hand. All they have to do is ask for it.

Most people deny or push back the events that hurt them, and when they do this, they choose the path of disempowerment.

They are burdened not by what actually happened, but by how they cling to their story of persecution. If it has been awful enough, they even numb out and blank out the persecution.

Their persecutor has indeed won over them; not only then, but also in the now. Their persecutor's malice not only disempowered them in the past, but continues to weaken them.

Often victims think that revenge is a desirable option and they feel that they might draw some satisfaction if they could strike out and hurt as they have been hurt, but often the persecutor is no longer available, and sometimes may even have died a long time ago.

Child-molestors, spousal abusers, terrorists and criminals rank among those who seek revenge, but because the persecutor is no longer available, they act out their rage on others who had nothing to do with their abuse.

Almost everybody has been tormented at one time or another. Those who are psychologically healthy have taken the effort to seek and find healing.

In your case, the cycle of your unhappiness can only stop when you decide that it is time to get your power back Until you make this decision, you will forever be persecuted, because your wounded psyche will continue to do your tormentors work.

Hell, in fact, is never letting the wound heal, but opening it up afresh when thought of your torment comes to mind. And a deeper hell is not even allowing the pain to reach consciousness but express itself through tormented behavior.

How do you let it go? That is the task of skilled therapy.

All psychological imbalances, whether mild, as in a neurosis, or chronic, as in a full blown psychosis, arise from embracing victimhood.

Unless a time comes when you confront your inner tormentors, no self-help course of study can help you "unleash the giant within."

Knowledge is not enough; emotional catharis is a necessity. Even this article can do nothing for you; it is what you do with it that makes a difference. Do you confront your past, and find a healer? Or do you live with it, and continue along the paths of least promise? We are always choosing, even when we choose not to choose.

The Bipolar Disorder

If you're seriously interested in knowing about bipolar disorder, you need to think beyond the basics. This informative article takes a closer look at things you need to know about what it is to be bipolar.

Bipolar illness has two distinct forms. Bipolar I disorder, previously called manic-depressive illness, characterizes patients who experience episodes of mania and depression or mania only. Any single episode can be manic, depressive, or mixed. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) gives specific criteria for both mania and depression. A diagnosis of mania does not require a set duration of illness or impairment. For a diagnosis of depression, however, the symptoms must last at least two weeks.

A patient who has mainly depressions and a few hypomanic episodes (the same symptoms as for mania but without social impairment) would receive a diagnosis of bipolar II, a form much more common in women. These illnesses typically start with a depressive episode.

Thirty percent of patients who have bipolar I illness first experience symptoms as teenagers. In the usual course, episodes of illness are followed by periods of wellness (euthymia), at first punctuated by years but later settling into a pattern that is often seasonal. The depression can become very chronic and unremitting; suicide is the most serious potential consequence. Despite new and successful treatments, about 12% of manic-depressives commit suicide, almost always during the depressive stage of the illness.

Research has shown that genetic factors play a significant role in the etiology of bipolar disorder. Biochemical, neurophysiologic, and sleep abnormalities also have been reported, but none seems specific to bipolar disorder. It is not known how recurrent unipolar depression, bipolar I disorder, and bipolar II disorder are related. In addition, many studies identify bipolar patients but do not specify whether the patient is in the depressive, manic, or mixed state, much less whether the patient is manic or hypomanic when studied.

The information about bipolar disorder presented here will do one of two things: either it will reinforce what you know about this disorder or it will teach you something new. Both are good outcomes.

Bipolar disorder is a recurring illness. A few people are lucky enough to have only two or three episodes, but the average patient has more than 10. Studies have found that the depressive episodes in bipolar disorder are shorter than the depressive episodes in unipolar illness. Unfortunately, however, some bipolar patients have chronic depressions. Between 15% and 20% of bipolar patients experience rapid cycling, defined as four or more episodes of depression, mania, or hypomania in a year.

Psychological treatment cannot be accomplished when a patient with bipolar illness is in a manic state. The patient will be highly talkative, irritating, sexually aroused, overconfident, expansive, and completely lacking in insight and good judgment. Because of the uplifted mood, the patient will feel no need for treatment and will vehemently refuse assistance. This is particularly evident with respect to a spouse. If in your practice you see a spouse who suddenly becomes extremely derogatory and accusatory toward the partner, consider the possibility of mania. A history of depressive episodes will help you make the diagnosis. Treatment, usually on an inpatient basis, is imperative for a patient with mania.

The best treatment for a manic episode is lithium, the oldest mood stabilizer. Neuroleptics also are extremely helpful for treating mania. How to treat the depression, how-ever, is still open to question. Although most experts agree that it is best to try to avoid antidepressants, or to use them short term, this is difficult to do in practice. The monoamine oxidase inhibitor tranylcypromine has been shown to be more efficacious than the tricyclic antidepressant imipramine. The other MAO drugs, phenelzine and isocarboxazid, also seem useful. Patients need to be on a special diet with these drugs. Clearly, patients do better in the treatment of their depressive episode if they also take a mood stabilizer.

In addition to treatment for the mania and depression, a mood stabilizer is indicated for long-term maintenance. A recent 40-year longitudinal study of bipolar illness found that mood stabilizers and atypical antipsychotics (in this case, mostly clozapine) proved to be the best combination to prevent suicide.

Now you can be a confident expert on bipolar disorder. OK, maybe not an expert. But you should have something to bring to the table next time you join a discussion on this particular issue.

How To Be A Success

Learn how to master your area of endeavor the right way. Start out by finding the people and books that will make you exceptional. Seek out the best sources of information that you can afford.

Analyze each part of the skill you wish to master, then put it all together to create a fluid form. Develop first a theoretical understanding, then a practical one. When you practice your knowledge, your work will flow and appear effortless.

Practice relentlessly. Spend long hours practicing. Keep a regular schedule for your activity. If you have long gaps between practice, you will lose some momentum in mastering your skill. The cumulative effect of practice will make you exceptional.

Self-discipline will come from imagination. When you can create a burning desire by imagining your ultimate success, self-discipline will happen spontaneously. If you do not have a burning desire, you may want to rethink your goals. Unless you feel passionate about your goals, the smallest obstacle will throw you off course.

Believe in yourself. Recall all the previous successes you have had in your life. Use these memories to build an enduring self-confidence. When you believe that you can do something, you will find a way to make your belief come true.

If you methodically prepare for your own particular game you will find yourself on the way to mastery. You can win in any of the games of life. Just decide on it, and follow up with study and practice.
You can move beyond your stuck states by contemplating all the possible consequences of your own particular situation.

What is it that you want to work in your life?
What inner obstacles prevent you from achieving the successful outcome you desire?

Once you have confronted your own fears, then you will be ready to take stock of your current situation and try out new strategies.

There are three stages of problem-solving.

First, get clear on your vague fears and imaginings. Bring them out in the open. Confront them. See what is really going on. Unless you can ask the right question, which comes from getting the right perspective on the issue, you will not be able to
start looking for the right answer.

Second, once you have some inner clarity, freed from emotional congestion, look at your problems objectively, empirically. Ask yourself what needs to happen here to make things work out? Ask an objective, matter-of-fact, question. Avoid subjective, questions.

And third, apply all available resources to solve your problem. Make a list of all your resources. This includes people you can query or books, articles, or multimedia you can learn from.

Above all, find your way back to faith in your situation. When you believe in yourself, when you can rekindle the flame of hope in your heart, when you can reanimate your brain and your nervous system then the creative solution to your problem will arise. Once you clear the vague, illusive, obstructive emotional blocks, your mind will function clearly and well.
Once you confront a problem head on, you are halfway there to resolving it. Turning your back on problems, avoiding them, and procrastinating only makes them more substantial and terrifying. Once you face your fears, you can begin to solve your problem. Once you have brought your fears to light, courage returns, and with courage comes hope, and with hope, creativity, boldness, and magic.

Problems appear frustratingly difficult to solve because they come with a lot of emotional charge. But once you remove the charge, you will see that you need to take only three simple steps to solve them.

8 Ways to Instantly Calm Yourself

We all have felt anxiety before. No matter how confident and relaxed you are, you know what it’s like to be nervous before an interview, trembling before a speech, or cold and clammy over the pending results of your graded quiz.

The point of this article is to provide you with eight different ways to release this tension. There are more powerful ways in which you can relax (as we will provide in our products) however this article provides eight ways you can use anywhere. Hardly anyone will actually notice that you are using them. You will not have to sit in a meditation position on the floor, or chant mantras to relax yourself… so no worries.

Also, notice the title of this article is not “…Calm Yourself Down”. We don’t calm down. We calm up.

Calming yourself involves not detaching yourself from your environment, but integrating yourself with it while you mentally move inward to obtain steadiness. You should not feel tired or detached. You should simply become “in the zone”: Alert, focused and relaxed.

Chair Press-Up

This one’s great for if you are waiting to give a speech or if you are nervous in a group setting. Simply put your feet flat on the floor. Put your hands on the arms of your chair. If your chair doesn’t have arms, place them on the edges of the seat. Brace yourself. Now, take a deep breath, and push up with your arms and feet as you exhale. Lock your arms – let your torso hang from your locked arms for a moment while you finish exhaling… long and deep. Go limp, but remain locked in the up position. Now sit back down. You feel like a noodle, and everything is cool.


Breathing is absolutely crucial to calming yourself. I recommend you do some in-depth research on Eastern styles of breathing, and how to breathe powerfully with your diaphragm. Breathe in strongly and slowly through your nose as you expand your diaphragm. Your stomach should rise, not your chest. Now, blow it out strongly and steadily through your mouth. Repeat this a few times. You can feel the tension leaving your body.

Spread Legs

This one may not seem like much, but it has serious subconscious value. When most people are relaxed (particularly us guys) we have a tendency to spread our legs slightly and take up more space. By consciously spreading your legs while sitting (or standing) you will take up more space, which is what we generally do when we are comfortable in a setting. Perform the action, and the feeling of comfort will follow.

Slouch Slightly

Yes, slouching is bad for your posture. Slouching for years will curve your spine. Slouching for a few minutes will not. This is another habit most people demonstrate when they are relaxed and comfortable: They slouch. So, next time you feel antsy about a situation, allow yourself to lean back your head and slouch slightly in your chair. Once again, the feeling will follow the action.

Power Hands

Powerful people are often calm, relaxed and comfortable in their actions. When they sit around a table, they often do one of two things with their hands: Steepling, or the hands-behind-the-head. To steeple, put your elbows on the table, and steeple your hands in front of your face – like the bad guy does in the movie when he’s going “M’yesss…. Muwahaha…. I can see it all coming together so perfectly…” Think of yourself as the bad guy when you steeple your hands. You know you are going to win. You steeple your hands as you turn over your master plan inside your head. Everything is falling into place so perfectly. Muwhaha. For more of a “corporate” power / relaxation effect, lean back in your chair and put your hands behind your head, lacing your fingers together. This is how bosses sit when they are talking to people who work for them. It has profound effects in making you feel more powerful and relaxed.


This is an incredible psychological tool we will cover in more depth in our products. Your subconscious mind anchors certain actions / stimuli with certain feelings and responses. Psychological anchors and triggers are used everywhere. It is the reason behind many strong emotional connections. If you had a song played at your wedding, hearing the song played at a later date may make you cry. The emotional event was your wedding, and you heard a song during it (the anchor). Thus, the song became tied to the feelings you felt during your wedding. Upon hearing the song again (the trigger) you feel the same feelings again.

Another example is if you became very ill once from a certain drink, you may become sick simply from smelling the drink in the future. The emotional event was becoming very ill, and the anchor was the drink. Therefore, smelling the drink in the future could make you sick very quickly. Anchors are used everywhere, in positive and negative emotions. To use them to calm yourself, develop a specific anchor every time you are calm. My anchor is to place my hand palm-down on my thigh. Every time I am relaxed, I do this, to reinforce the anchor. Then when I need to be calm, I simply fire the trigger (palm on the thigh) and my mind recreates the emotion tied to that anchor – which is relaxation. Pick an anchor you don’t use that much, such as touching your ear, or putting your hand on your knee. Do it whenever you are relaxed, and when you need to become relaxed, doing it will help to put you in that mental state.

Kill Internal Dialogue

There are many ways to do this, but here’s one good technique: If you are talking yourself into a worrisome state, or worrying while talking to someone during a conversation, do this immediately. Defocus your eyes, and open your peripheral vision. Look at two areas ahead of you, to each side. Picture your conscious thoughts in those areas. Now, draw your gaze up from both points at 45 degree angles until they meet in the high-center of your vision. Next bring the gaze straight down, so it is directly in front of you (a person’s face if you are talking to them). Now, picture your gaze coming straight back to your own head, as you return your consciousness to your own mind. Not only does it help increase focus, but the simple effort required to perform the exercise will often stop any distracting internal dialogue you are having at the time.


If you feel a general anxiety of your whole body, such as being self-conscious of your hands, feet, or body position, this exercise can work wonders. Close your eyes. Take a few deep, long breaths: in through your nose and out through your mouth. Place your tongue on your front pallet, directly above the backside of your upper teeth- this is effective in stimulating cross-lobe integration (and relaxation) in the brain. Picture a point far in front of you. Project your thoughts there in your mind. Continue breathing, and keep your thoughts there, until you are fully relaxed and have forgotten about clammy hands, sweaty feet, or mismatched socks. Once you are relaxed, slowly bring the point in front of you closer as you return to a fully aware state.

To learn more ways to master you mind and body, visit at

Why Not?

Like most individuals on this planet, I have spent a good deal of time fantasizing about the life I would have if only I could choose. I would be more confident. I would be more adventurous. I would get more education and get a better paying job. I would choose satisfying and complimentary relationships. I would feel like I had a valid place in this world.

As much time as I spent fantasizing, however, I probably spent even more time wallowing in the misery of my real life and making excuses about why I couldn't accomplish these things. I began to assume that every day would be the same as the last. I even started to believe that dreams were for kids and for irresponsible people that intended to bounce from one failure to the next.

Then, one day I had an epiphany. At the time, I was a housewife raising three small children. Though I have the amazing ability to stretch a dime into a dollar, money was always extremely tight. My life centered around taking care of my children and finding ways to stretch the budget just to pay for the necessities of life.

I really loved being with my kids. I felt it was an important job and was willing to sacrifice to do what I felt was the right thing for my kids. But I had a good number of aspirations that didn't involve cleaning up messes, rereading stories for the hundredth time, or playing with bugs in the park. I wanted to be able to pay the bills each month. I wanted to become more confident and able to be part of an adult world. I wanted the freedom and ability to drive my children to various places. I wanted to see and learn a little bit about the world. I wanted to go to university and get my archaeology degree. In short, I wanted to be Tami, the person, and not just Mommy or Mrs. Brady.

For several years, I stewed about my quandary. I had always said I was going to go to university but frankly no one believed I actually would. The most vocal members of my family questioned why I would even want to go to university, especially to take archaeology. Archaeology was a job for single men. The only mothers who would dare train for such a job were simply trying to run away from their responsibilities. I had no intention of abandoning my family and so I eventually decided to give up on my dream.

My brother came to visit one day. We were both venting about our lives and talking about our bleak futures. I told him that I had finally given up on my hope of becoming an archaeologist. He asked me why I had to give up on this dream. I remember him saying "why not". Rather irritated at my single brother's grasp of the seemingly obvious, I explained the situation to him: my responsibilities, my lack of finances, my confidence issues, my lack of an adventurous nature, etc.

Over the next few weeks, for some reason, I just kept replaying that conversation in my head. I kept hearing "why not". Yes, I could list a whole book of reasons why I couldn't become an archaeologist. Strangely, however, these reasons seemed more like excuses.

I started wondering what I would tell my children if they were in my place. Surely, I wouldn't tell them to settle and be miserable. I started questioning why I was so willing to run away from a challenge. Finally, I realized that if I didn't at least try to reach my goals, I was going to regret my decision for the rest of my life.

Within six months of that epiphany, I started taking university classes. I researched and found student funding. I volunteered and then got a part time job at the local museum on weekends so that my husband could watch the kids while I was working. I practiced my driving skills and learned how to take public transit. I pushed myself to interact with other students and resisted my natural urge to run away from the large crowded campus. I scheduled my classes around my children's school schedule, even taking a few late night classes, so that my children would not require daycare and would never come home to an empty house.

Seven years later, I had earned an undergraduate honours degree in Archaeology and graduate degrees in Archaeology and Heritage, awarded with distinction. I now run my own archaeological consulting company out of my basement. This allows me the freedom to choose my projects so that I don't have to stay away from my family for long periods of time. It also allows me the option to take on non-archaeological projects such as the writing of this book without the loss of income associated with working part time. Moreover, I found that as I reached towards my goals (sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing in my attempts) that in moving through or around these obstacles and challenges, I became happier in my life and more confident that I could achieve other ambitions that I had. My husband says I also became a lot nicer to be around.

In this way, the phrase "why not" changed my life. Perhaps, you too can change your life simply by asking yourself "why not".

The AAA Method For Getting Staggering Success

A lot of time we find ourselves in situations in our relationships with our loved ones, with our business, with friends, at work, with our health and finances where we realize that we are kind of stuck. It is that stage where you are not going anywhere despite the efforts. It seems like every time you are trying to make a move, the whole world comes against you and all of a sudden you are back at the “stuck stage.” So what do you do when you find yourself in that spot? I have known so many people who are stuck and have been stuck for years. How do you get unstuck? This is a simple plan that works equally well in business as well as personal level.

This is what is called the AAA method for getting yourself out of the trap.

The first A stands for Accept. You can’t escape from a trap unless you accept and admit that you are in a trap. And that doesn’t mean that you need to go to a meeting and publicly admit to the world that you have a problem. But admit to yourself that hey, I am not just a little short on cash, I am going broke; I am not just a little unhealthy, I am 50 pounds overweight. Way too many people try to be politically correct with themselves, and it is not doing them any good. It is impossible to move on until you accept your situation to yourself in a brutally honest way.

The second A: Once you have Accepted your situation, then you must to Analyze how you got there in the first place. What caused you to be in this situation? Make sure not to analyze yourself to death however and end up in Analysis Paralysis (business majors can you hear me?)

The third A: Accepting and Analyzing your situation doesn’t do much good unless you Act upon it. Decide what you need to do to get yourself unstuck, and rock and roll your way out immediately. Accept, Analyze, Act=Getting yourself unstuck. Have a great week! - Nik D'Angelo

Phobias & Fears – You Can Eliminate Them With Hypnosis

A phobia is defined as an irrational fear. When a person has a phobic attack, they get panicky feelings; their respiration and heart rates increase; they may feel choked up like their heart is in their throat; their palms often get sweaty; they may hear the sound of ringing in their ears; and they very often find that they are unable to participate in an activity. These feelings cause the individual to avoid the situations and places that trigger them.

For instance, if someone has a driving phobia, they would exhibit these symptoms when they attempt to drive a car, or maybe even when they just think about driving. Or a terror attack may well ensue simply when driving in specific places like in heavy traffic.

The fear of talking in front of a group of people is a very common phobia. The phobic feelings appear when the person tries to talk in front of a person that they are intimidated by, or they might well experience phobic feelings only while in front of a group of other people. The size of the crowd will vary. This irrational fear can be triggered by fears of inadequacy, or a lack of self-esteem.

Those who suffer from social phobias can get horrifically nervous just being around other people, even folks that they recognize. It is a fear that they will be criticized or evaluated by other people. This fear can be triggered in almost any type of social interaction. A person could be standing on line at a supermarket and get stressful feelings as they imagine having to talk to the cashier as they checkout.

The fear of taking tests (which is frequently known as test anxiety) is a frequent phobia. A phobia to taking tests is rooted in comparing yourself to other people, and is deeply rooted in a fear of failing.

People have experienced irrational fears to every category of experience under the sun. For example: Snakes; bugs; relationships; flying; small enclosed places; animals; high places; death; and even the great outdoors.

Agoraphobia is generally considered to be a fear of open spaces. However, this definition is extremely deceptive because Agoraphobics are really afraid of having a panic attack, wherever they may happen to be. This phobia is developed when a person begins to avoid places or situations they have associated with anxiety. For example, they could have a panic attack at the drycleaners, at home, or at a supermarket.

For many, once their panic attacks have started to occur, they begin to expect them to come about. And this expectation actually causes them to occur with increasing frequency. Other people experience fearful feelings on a continuous basis. These feelings cause an overall sense of discomfort, rather than panic.


Some doctors care for their patients by means of sedatives, which can make the condition worse over prolonged treatment. Sedatives do not work on the core cause of a phobia; they only camouflage some of the symptoms.

Some schools of therapy prescribe "Talk Therapy." Talk therapy is only talking about what is bothering you. Unfortunately, thinking about or talking about the situation or environment that causes a phobic attach can trigger a phobic attack!

Traditional self hypnosis has been used to treat phobias, but with only meager success. Traditional hypnotherapy is accomplished when the hypnotherapist guides the client into a relaxed state of self hypnosis and gives the patient post-hypnotic commands or suggestions. Since most people of our generation question and resist direct suggestions, they also reject the concept that they will be more relaxed and at ease when they encounter the situation or environment that sets off their panic attacks.

Systematic Desensitization is the practice of gradually desensitizing a phobic person to the circumstances or environment that causes a phobic attack. For instance, if a woman wants to dive from a high diving board but she fears it, she is asked to first dive from a height that she feels confident about. She dives in and realizes that she did not get hurt and that she is safe.

Next she is asked to dive in from the first step of the ladder going up to the high diving board. Again, she dives in and realizes that nothing bad happened and that she is again safe and secure.

Over a period of time the phobic is asked to dive in from gradually higher and higher steps on the ladder. Each time she dives in and realizes that nothing bad happened and that she is safe and secure, she is able to move up to the next rung of the ladder. If she experiences the sensation of fear, then she's asked to move back down one rung on the ladder and dive from there until she feels complete comfort and security. In the end she makes it to the top of the ladder and dives in from the high board.

Systematic Desensitization can be done literally while in a hypnotic state with as good as or better results. While in a relaxed hypnotized state, the woman would be asked to visualize herself diving in from each rung of the ladder. She would be asked to picture herself feeling confident and relaxed as she dives in. Since she is in fact disassociated while picturing herself, she is unable to experience a phobic attack.

Next she's asked to associate, or put the camera inside of her head so she would be seeing what she would see through her eyes if she was actually diving in from each step of the ladder. She is asked to imagine feeling safe and relaxed as she dives in.

Just as in a live (in vivo) systematic desensitization, if she feels any panic she's told to go back to the previous lower step on the ladder and picture diving in from there.

She might be taught to create a kinesthetic (feeling or touch) "anchor" for feelings of security and safety. She could then trigger that anchor while imagining that she's diving, and the feelings of security and safety could be subjectively transferred to the act of diving.

Systematic Desensitization while in hypnosis can be especially powerful and totally successful, but is can also be slow and take several hypnotic sessions to bring about a cure.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming is the study of how we create our reality. The V/K stands for visual / kinesthetic. The V/K Disassociation is a technique that allows a trained NLP Practitioner to guide a subject through specific visual imagery that quickly and in many cases instantly disconnects or disassociates the feelings of fear from the irrational fear that causes them. The V/K Disassociation is known as the "One session phobia cure" in Neuro-Linguistic Programming circles, and with good cause.

Phobias are very common in our society. They are fears that aren't based in reality. There are many techniques for treating phobias, but thus far in my opinion, the best treatments are Systematic Desensitization while in the hypnotic state, and the Neuro-Linguistic Programming V/K Disassociation technique.

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